Husband Installation

Got this forwarded email on Husband Installation and decided to share with you. Enjoy reading it and TGIF, start your weekend with laughters:-

Husband installation......really good one

A desperate woman writes to the Technical support Guy,

Dear Tech Support ,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5..0 . In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and FOOTBALL 4.1 . Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate Woman

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Dear DESPERATE Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: i thought you loved me..html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 , Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 . Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually
seize control of all your system resources.) In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

Bloated with Donuts

Feeling so bloated since last night. Ate dinner at Yoshinoya but was unsatisfied. So, went J.Co for hot chocolate n donut.

1, 2, 3....Finished 1 donut n got tricked into sharing the 2nd n 3rd donuts with A. Though I technically only ate 2 donuts, combined with drinks n my dinner earlier on...very bloated.

Regret! Knew I cannot resist food in front of me.

My First Post From My BB Bold

It has been 2 weeks since I got my Blackberry Bold 9700. 1 week since I started using my data services.

So fun!!!

Being able to access Facebook, Twitter, MSN messenger, Blackberry Messenger and now Blogger! Hehehe...

Till next time...

VIP

Am sure most of u heard of the title "VIP". It basically stands for "Very Important Person" and signifies that this person is special among all the other people around. It can be used in a variety of situations, eg. VIP of a company's Dinner & Dance, VIP of a certain Country Club, etc.

But what about people who has not been acknowledged as VIP but think of themselves as one? What should they be called then? SPVIP - Self Proclaimed Very Important Person?

LOL.

Personally I know a few SPVIPs myself and its not easy to stomach such a person coz u will be at the constant reminder of their self importance.


Case No. 1

The infamous ASSFUCKDIOT aka Public Enemy aka most hated person mentioned in my blog. His persistent effort to make us colleagues aware of his existence by introducing poorly planned policies, sowing discords among existing colleagues, bootlicking the bosses, etc...just to make pple notice him and acknowledge his importance. - I feel like I am almost becoming an expert in ignoring the existence of this person.


Case No. 2

She always talks about herself, protrays a goody goody image in front of friends and offers a helping hand to pple while rarely seems to mean it. Every topic of conversation with her ultimately turns into her experiences, her views, her.........just her. It seems that she revolves in her own world and expects everyone else to revolve ard her world.

Note: To identify a person who genuinely care for u as a friend and one who just wana appear helpful and nice in the eyes of the public, just observe how he/she talks and act. If he/she cares, he/she will listen more than talk and act to help when they are able to instead of talk.


Case No. 3

She does the littlest amount of work possible and claim the biggest credit for it. She takes MCs and leaves when she knows that a busy period with loads of incoming work is arriving. She threatens to quit just to get the bosses to agree to a pay raise and then boasts around to say that she is too important for the bosses to let her quit. She claims no one can replace her job and that she is a valueable asset to the team. - She is delusional


3 examples of SPVIPs for the moment...need to get back to work..self proclaimed break time is over....sob sob.

THE BEAUTY OF ENGLISH LANGUAGE UNDONE

I lifted these from an email I received. Very interesting piece, so I wanted to share with u guys....hope u concur.


"Be confounded and confused by the English Language Something to ponder for the day.........
Just think about it......very interesting.

THE BEAUTY OF ENGLISH LANGUAGE UNDONE

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men, Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England ..We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English could be running the danger of being called verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.

We have noses that run and feet that smell.

We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.

And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?

I WOULD LIKE TO ADD THAT IF PEOPLE FROM POLAND ARE CALLED POLES THEN PEOPLE FROM HOLLAND SHOULD BE HOLES AND THE GERMANS GERMS!!!"

My Words of Consolation

Had a rather sad conversation with a friend today.

Sometimes behind the sounding laughters and beneath the smiley faces we see around us, there lies souls who are lost, hurt, sad and in despair. It may be tat they face bigger problems than us in general or tat their problems might be more serious...but I think every one of us have our fair share of problems.

And I believe there are 2 types of problem solvers among people:-

Type 1 - analytical & practical in their approaches. They tend to tackle problem first before they sit down to think about their feelings or others' feelings.

Type 2 - ruled by their emotions and have own emotional hurdles they have to cross before being able to tackle a problem.
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So my friend said:-

"...the incident happen too suddenly and i almost cant cope .. but now...i try to get use to it and accept wat i have done...."

"i am lost somehow ..... lost in space ... all this time i try to run away try to avoid but it seems not a good idea ... after all is all my fault i have to face it alone. When will i find back myself is a question mark to me ... last time i not use to be so lost .. i always have a direction but now ... no direction at all. I dunno wat will happen to me in future . and i have no future at all..."


My words of consolation:-

...u dun have to have a particular goal to feel like u got a direction
...u dun have to have a family to feel sheltered
...u dun have to have a house to feel like u own something
...instead of a big goal, have smaller goals
...ur parents might have passed away n u feel no one is there to back u up but this way u learn to stand up for urself. And if u failed, there are friends around
...although u dun own a house of ur own, u have rest stops here and there. Its an experience for u. Rather than the monotonous and boring life, u now got an ever changing life where everything and anything can happen.
...learn to accept and adapt
...dun reject, regret and complain


I think my friend is a definite Type 2....so which type are u?

PS: U are welcome to talk to me abt ur problems, I will always have a listening ear for u....not so sure abt my advice though. As I am more of a Type 1 person, some of my advices might not work for all.

Who is Ms Popular?

A short conversation with my friend Ni upon seeing her comment on MSN:

"I'm Ms Popular and not enjoying it"

Me: Hi Ms Popular, wat happened?
Me: U won a prize at Popular bookstore and got photographed as their Ms Popular?

Ni: haha
Ni: v creative hor
Ni: no lah... at work... alot of pple finding me
Ni: so ms popular

Personally, I like my explanation better ^_^

"Selfish"

A friend, Ninniku (Nini for short) asked me today:

"Why is selfish called selfish.. i wonder? Fishes are not solitary creatures leh, they swim in schooools."

My answer (a very innovative one) is as below:

"Maybe there is some old wife's tale abt how an old maid was helping a fish monger to sell fish for the summer and when the villagers know abt it, they asked her to help them sell other stuff too, like crabs, prawns & etc. And though the old maid had lots of time, she did not have the desire to be helpful to the others coz they did not pay her a single penny to help them out, so she turned them down.

One day, the old maid was selling fish as usual and the other villagers were selling their own stuff but there was some commotion in another part of the village and they went to look-see, all but the old maid.

Then came the Ma-tah (policemen) on their patrol and at the sight of them, the old maid packed up her fishes and ran off, leaving the other villagers' goods to be conviscated by the policemen.

So thereafter, the villagers all called the old maid the "SELFISH" one."

KPO Pig

U know how sometimes u feel like u are being watched or eavesdropped. When u have done something guilty, tat must be a scary feeling to be watched or eavesdropped.

However, when u are just having a regular conversation with another person and have been eavesdropped by a certain Assfuckdiot, all u will feel is IRRITATION. Not tat the conversation is a secret or tat the contents of the conversation is inappropriate...but simply tat in normal circumstances, any other person who overheard the conversation would just keep their silence and pretend they didnt hear a thing and only join in the conversation when they are invited to.

Well, the Assfuckdiot apparently likes to stick his stinking butt in everyone's business.

So I was having this early argument with a colleague on the pronunciation of the word "Abalone". Our views are:-

Colleague, V: A-ba-lo-nee

Me: A-ba-lone

Then Assfuckdiot interrupted and said "V, u r right. Its A-ba-lo-nee. Even radio FM95.00 is correcting pple's pronunciation." (Can just imagine his gloating face tat I got the wrong pronunciation.)

So I googled "Pronunciation of Abalone" over the internet and it turns out V is right. -_-

Ya lah, I am not the guru of English nor an English teacher mah, its ok to get it wrong occasionally.

But who is the Assfuckdiot to interrupt our conversation which he was not invited to?!!!

Pronunciation of Assfuckdiot: ASSSSS-FUCK-DIOT

9 Days to CNY

Counting down 9 more days to Chinese New Year. Here is an early CNY greetings to all my friends and blog readers: Wishing all of u a prosperous and bountiful new year!

Getting all excited for CNY is a thing of the past when I was still a kid. Now CNY is just another festive season where I get extra few days off from work. A much needed break coz I am getting rather restless at work.

U know how pple always say tat CNY is a busy period when there are lots of preparations tat one must make to welcome the new year. My progress of preparation for CNY is as follows:-

1) Spring cleaning my room - Partially. I wiped the dust off most areas and tidied the table tops in my room but it still looks almost the same except neater. It was the DVD/VCDs tat was packed away tat made my room look less cluttered.

2) Buying new clothes - Zero pieces of clothes bought for CNY. Its not tat I din buy any clothes for the past 1 year but tat I din buy clothes specially for CNY. So, I shall wear worn clothes to CNY this year AGAIN.

3) Have a haircut - Nope. Not going to have a haircut. Been trying to grow my hair long for the past few months. It sure is taking its time to grow though.

4) Dyeing my hair - Just bought a pack of Liese hair dye from Watsons last night "Marshmallow Brown" colour, need to find time to dye.

5) Painting my fingernails and toenails - Planning to do it nearer to CNY coz afraid of chipping the colours.

6) Trimming my eyebrows - Also planning to do this nearer CNY.

7) CNY goodies - Dun intend to buy coz I always find food at home without having to shop for them.

8) Appointments for CNY - Still unsure wat my appointments are for CNY. The usual reunion dinner at home, then wat? The usual half day visiting on 1st and 2nd day of CNY, then wat? At least I am sure of my appointment on 3rd day, gotta escape from home coz there will be visitors. 4th day back to work...thereafter a few other appointments for visiting.

Hmm...8 items above, not too bad...dun seems to be tat much for me to do right. LOL.

Yah, coz my wonder mama is doing everything by herself: spring cleaning the whole house, decorating the house, stocking up on CNY goodies and preparing the reunion dinner. :)

The joy of being SINGLE, UNMARRIED and LIVING WITH MAMA....haha....

I "heart" u, mama. ^_^