Feeling Insecure

Today is an unsettling day for me. Feelings of insecurity filled me and my self-confidence went to an all time low.

As some might know, I am job hunting once again since my current contract job ends in July. I hate job hunting and interviews. Never believed that such interviews are genuine or reflect how the interviewees really are. On the job performance is the ultimate guarantee on whether a company has hired a good worker. But of coz, how else can a company meet the candidates for the job unless they carry out interviews. So, I guess such sessions are still necessary.

A fact I realise abt working in S'pore is tat a lot of companies still place a lot of emphasis on the certificates (our qualifications). Another thing which I think is totally inaccurate to access a candidate's worth. Happen to know a few persons who have the certs but totally no corporate survival skills. Here are a few examples: 1) An overseas degree grad who could not even calculate her subordinate's OT hours and do simple tabulation of figures; 2) A scholar who is so timid that he could not make a firm decision and sometimes look to his subordinates for advice and answers; 3) A director who is all talk and promises but could not even answer her own email and reply correspondence; 4) A "Yes" man manager who said yes to everything but did not fulfill them (sad that he worked in the service/complaint dept); etc...etc...

Anyway, having those thoughts abt job hunting makes my current hunt pretty forced. But for the fact tat I need a job and pay...no choice.

Now I am trying my hand to get a legal related work next, preferably to enter a law firm. But as I guessed, my "non-pure" law degree did not help - BSc Management with Law IS NOT "pure" law degree...sadly T_T ....of coz, I also did not have any experience in this area of work. My past experience are mostly administrative in nature. One of my interviewer had even warned me that working in a law firm is highly stressful and different from the work I am used to. They need a meticulous, hardworking and motivated individual. The work is pressed for deadlines and will be under close scrutiny by lawyers who can be pretty picky. I felt rather insecure after the interview...having worked in this contract job for 2 years...I think I have been slacking a lot. My working speed is probably 1/4 of wat it used to be when I was working in ZARA before I completed my degree course. Now, I have to think abt picking up my speed again. Worried if I have the energy to learn new things quickly in a new job. I think tat the problem with working in a "garmen" job - pple get kinda "nua" (lazy & unmotivated) after some time.

SIGH...pray tat I can get used to my new workplace (wherever it is) quickly...I hate the adjusting period needed in a new job...I like when I know wat I am doing and wat is happening...zzzzz